So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
