I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
