Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
