He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
