my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
