if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
