Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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