You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
