Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
