I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize