he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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