It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
