i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
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He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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