Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
