My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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