so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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