just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
