i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
