Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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