did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
