its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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