Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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