all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
