found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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