That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
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You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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