My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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