I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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