My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
