remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
