That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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