I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
