I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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