rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
