I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
