i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
