my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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