Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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