Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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