he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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