11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
