I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize