I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
