please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
