it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
