Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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