I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
