:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
