Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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