I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
