i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
