i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
