if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
