Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
