I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
