Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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