I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
