i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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