It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
