we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
